like never before..

live..
love..laugh and cry when happy and sad like never before..

be someone for Christ like never before..

-that is my protocol this year!!! be someone BETTER like never before..

its like a new year's resolution but a few weeks shy from the start of the new year...it took me weeks before i realized these...

-it took me a couple of hard exams... countless pages of powerpoint presentations.. tons of passengers from the metro transit... two sessions for our small group.. crying sessions with my mom.. alone.. sleepless nights.. heart ache...

then God must've nudged my head... i snapped into a realization and now i dont mind how low an exam can get as long as i know it was HIM who put me in my new workplace and it's HIM who'll remove me from there...
it wouldnt be much of a big deal anymore if he's gone, if i cant watch my favorite tv shows because i arrive late at home.. if everything's like this and that...
i will make my life as light as possible from now on..
i'll be someone better like never before!!!! im not gonna be afraid.. :) its late but cheers to the new 2009... hehe.. pasok pa naman sa chinese new year.. :)

batiin ko na din si homebodyhubby, fjordz, kookoo at G. lapis.. :)


"And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age". Matthew 28:20

where did i go wrong....

my life in 08

the 10th

funny how...
there's a certain pen that i dont like now,
there's these particular candies that i despise,
and there's a specific memory im dying to kill

roses aren't so red anymore, and i prefer daisies and lilies now...
chocolates aren't that sweet, i love the dark ones now..
bears and boxes are things that makes my room smaller now..
if i can just kill these memories....

time must've took a vacation in my life
the ticking clock is making forgeting harder than before

His love and probably He's cheering me up...

i was guilty because he was showing how hurt he was...i felt responsible and i am mad because i can't accept the fact that i can do that to someone... he did hurt me too but i was more focused in the idea of him hurting because of me..well partly because of me, others would say its not my fault.. i blame myself why he's hurting.. have i handled the situation well enough, have I consulted God, things must have turned differently.

i felt defeated. i wasn't able to handle my job well enough. my pride was getting in the way of things. i felt like a loser having to quit. i felt bad not being able to achieve a target, a goal. i hated myself for being weak...

i was crushed. i lost a battle with someone i'm not supposed to be fighting with. they're family. harsh words were thrown in my face and to the people i love and i blame myself for all of it. i hate myself. if again, i handled the situation well enough, none of these will happen.

then finally, I gave up... it was the time where no one can help me anymore.. except GOD. i realized how i was covering my ears all along with His words of comfort, wisdom and fogiveness...

i cried....i was so sorry... im ashamed... then im comforted...

and now i realized im starting all over again...

and i have to forgive myself too...

it was all too sad... and maybe God saw that and had to made me laugh too...

last thursday, i went with a friend in a church she's attending... before the service started, the worship leader encouraged everyone to shake hands and greet one another...i said hello to the people beside me...i got surprised when someone named f-----s shook my hand and introduced himself to me... my friend laughed.. because the guy only said hello to me and not to any of my seatmates... and of all the names.. haha! it was just maybe God is saying.. "anak, o.. tama na.. let him go.. let it all go..have fun.. " and i laughed... i laughed with a heart new and refreshed...

kapangalan... haha.. kapangalan.. natawa po ko dun God.. and i'll listen na po talga.. :)

Psalm 139:14 (New International Version)
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

yey!

salamat po kuya homebody hubby!!!

wohoo!! may award na may candle of friendship pa.. ayos!!



binibigyan ko din nito sila...

fjordz!
kookoo!!
at G. Lapis!!

learning the hard way

sometimes,

we think too much of the past that we forget about the present...
we live our lives so hard for a future full of uncertainties that we see less of what is happening at present.

we like the idea of some things so much that it hides that bitter reality of uncertaities and mistakes...

we only see things that we wanted to see... we blind ourselves to what displeases us.. i do that a lot lately...

and so..

for the nth time, i have to learn things the hard way.. again..

.. maybe you never were friends in the first place
...maybe you chose the wrong course in college
..maybe you trusted the wrong friend
...maybe you just have to accept things and move on..

yes, i'm learning things the hard way again...

almost there...

joy in my heart.. I've got joy.. j-o-y..

haha.. no i don't have joy but i'm getting there... thank God..

leting bygones be bygones is not easy but one "friend' did it.. how can i not..

so yesterday, before i went back to manila.. i met with some of my older friends..

as we discussed life over donuts and coffee... slowly, i felt the j-o-y creeping back in my heart again..

my friend said loving something and someone involves not only our feelings but our choice.. yes.. our choices play a big part our lives...

my choice.. your choice... when we decide impatiently.. we get bad reviews amd consequences.. but spometimes even if we think about it for the longest time.. we stil get bad eggs in the end..

so how do we make the right choiice..

i can imagine them again.. they all said.. "through God's wisdom.."

of course! yes. in Hima lone do we get the perfect answer to our every question...

and so... on my way back to the busy husstles and buzz of the city life.. i affirm in His promise of j-o-y in my heart...

oh yes..

and so i sing... in my own version!


I'll have joy down in my haert.. deep deep down in my heart..

jesus gives it to me.. and no one can destroy it... WHHHOOPS!

I'LL HAVE JOY DOWN IN MY HEART.. DEEP DEEP DOWN IN MY HEART!!!


hugs!!

ps..

to the man behind the smile.. if ever you stumble on this..

THANK YOU... cheers to the new chapters in our lives.. NEW chapters...