where did i go wrong....

my life in 08

the 10th

funny how...
there's a certain pen that i dont like now,
there's these particular candies that i despise,
and there's a specific memory im dying to kill

roses aren't so red anymore, and i prefer daisies and lilies now...
chocolates aren't that sweet, i love the dark ones now..
bears and boxes are things that makes my room smaller now..
if i can just kill these memories....

time must've took a vacation in my life
the ticking clock is making forgeting harder than before

His love and probably He's cheering me up...

i was guilty because he was showing how hurt he was...i felt responsible and i am mad because i can't accept the fact that i can do that to someone... he did hurt me too but i was more focused in the idea of him hurting because of me..well partly because of me, others would say its not my fault.. i blame myself why he's hurting.. have i handled the situation well enough, have I consulted God, things must have turned differently.

i felt defeated. i wasn't able to handle my job well enough. my pride was getting in the way of things. i felt like a loser having to quit. i felt bad not being able to achieve a target, a goal. i hated myself for being weak...

i was crushed. i lost a battle with someone i'm not supposed to be fighting with. they're family. harsh words were thrown in my face and to the people i love and i blame myself for all of it. i hate myself. if again, i handled the situation well enough, none of these will happen.

then finally, I gave up... it was the time where no one can help me anymore.. except GOD. i realized how i was covering my ears all along with His words of comfort, wisdom and fogiveness...

i cried....i was so sorry... im ashamed... then im comforted...

and now i realized im starting all over again...

and i have to forgive myself too...

it was all too sad... and maybe God saw that and had to made me laugh too...

last thursday, i went with a friend in a church she's attending... before the service started, the worship leader encouraged everyone to shake hands and greet one another...i said hello to the people beside me...i got surprised when someone named f-----s shook my hand and introduced himself to me... my friend laughed.. because the guy only said hello to me and not to any of my seatmates... and of all the names.. haha! it was just maybe God is saying.. "anak, o.. tama na.. let him go.. let it all go..have fun.. " and i laughed... i laughed with a heart new and refreshed...

kapangalan... haha.. kapangalan.. natawa po ko dun God.. and i'll listen na po talga.. :)

Psalm 139:14 (New International Version)
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.