marami pa ko gusto gawin bukod sa umupo sa opisina ng buong araw...

Nakakatakot baka ang bagay na pinili ko ngayon ay ‘di pala ang siyang nararapat para sa ‘kin.

Ang trabaho ko ngayon, ‘di ko alam kung gusto ko talga. Natatakot ako baka nasasayang ang panahon ko. KApag ba sinasabi ko sa sarili ko na enjoy ako eh ‘di ba ito gaya ng “self defense”.. pinapaniwala ko lang ba ang sarili ko na masaya talga ko? Sabagay, naniniwala din anamn ako na makapangyarihan ang utak natin. Kung ano iisipin natin ay siya din namang magkakatotoo. Kung iniisip ko na masaya at “enjoy” kung anong meron ako, aba, baka sakaling totoo at ito nga ang mangayayari o nangyayari.

Noong una, akala ko talga ok na ko. Ngunit kanina, isang kaibigan ang nagtanong kung ano ang trabaho ko... tinanong din niya kung magkano ang naiuuwi kong sweldo. Bigla ba naamng banat e, maliit daw yun para sa isang tulad ko. Ano nga ba ko? Ang matataas ko bang grades ang basihan kung ano ako sa trabaho? O ang ginagawa ko at nararamdaman ko sa tuwing ako ay nagtratrabaho. Nagpaapekto ako sa sinabi niya.. OO.. totoo yun.. Isa kasi siya sa taong mataas ang tingin ko.. yun tipong pag nakikita ko at naririnig ang “achievments” nya sa kanyang career, nasasbi ko dati nung nasa kolehiyo pa ko na gusto ko rin amging ganun. Ngayon na ako mismo ay nasa mundo na ng “pagtratrabaho” biglang nabago ang pananaw ko... kasabay dito ang pagbibigay ko ng “commitment” sa Panginoon sa aming simbahan.

Nararamdaman ko na ang pagtanda at pagkakaroon ng responsibilidad. Totoo ngang habang tumatanda tayo dumadami ang responsibilidad natin. Responsibildad ko na ngayon na pumili kung ano ang gagawin ko, saan ako magtratrabaho, saan ako titira o kung saan ako mapapadpad. Pero nakikita ko sa sarili ko na inaayawan kong akuin ang mga resposnibildad na nabanggit ko... Bait.. Naiinis na ko sa sarili ko..

Bakit ako nagpa-apekto sa sinabi nya.. “ang liit ng sweldo mo, sa tipo mong yan.. maghanap ka pa…”

Sumagot akong apektado, “oo nga.. saan aba ko magtratrabaho.. saan ba maganda, sige maghahanap pa ko..”

Tsk tsk tsk… Ni hindi ko man lang pinagtanggol ang napili kong trabaho kung bakit yun ang napili ko… Bakit nga bay un ang napili ko..? akala ko naman kasi maganda na ‘yun.. ano ba ano baa no ba…

Parang sasabog utak ko sa kakaisip…

-ang nais kong paglisan sa bahay na tinitirahan ko ngayon
-trabaho
-trabaho
-at kung ano ano pang mga lubak ng buhay….

Alam ko dapat di ko to gawin sa sarili ko… malamang sasabihin nanaman ng mga tao.. “kaya mo yan…” dumaan din ako dyan”

Sasabihin ni Erickson.. “intimacy vs. isolation” yan..

Hay.. mahirap magisip pero habang naiisip ko to, humiginhawa din pakiramdam ko.. ok ok…

Naiisip ko pa din ang sinabi ng kaibigan ko kanina tungkol sa trabaho…

last on who's priority?

This week has been too much for me but I guess not for the Lord.

I started work this week, actually yesterday. it was tiring, training palang yun.

prior to my employment, i had to accomplise some"pre-employment requirements" such as sss id, med certificate and nbi clearance... everything i did in one whole week without any help from anyone except His guidance.

as i look back, i was proud of myself.. i was able to do everything independently... but i found out i was sick.. from my med exam.. so this time, i need someone to actually accompany me see a doctor and have a treatment... i asked one friend... sabi ko i need to go to the hospital for a check up, and if SHE can accompany me there... that was last night.. i got her reply this morning saying she had to do a lot of things...

ok.. i just wondered, what if sabi ko "may malubha akong sakit, samahan mo ko..." would she have said yes? or maybe not..

one thing that i learned at the workplace during my first day was prioritizing.. and so i guess i was the last on her list... i did frown.. and became sad.. why would you want to be tha last one on his/her list of priorities? or maybe naman may present illness is not that grave that she can pass on it nalang. pwede rin diba?

nalala ko tuloy yun "parachute message" na motto ng kaibigan ko..

"needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren't there the time you really need them, chances are you wont be needing them again."


actually totoo naman.. in some way.. nung narealize ko na gust ko ito isend sa "friend" kong di ako sinamanhan, sinabi ko sa sarili ko na: parang ang bitter mo naman who cant forgive and give second chances.. actually pang ilang chance nya na ba 'to? hmm.. baka ako dapat ang talgnag wag na humingi ng tulogs sa kanya... hehe.. akala ko kasi pag kapatid sa pananampalataya, automatic na matulungin.. hehe! actually lahat nman matulungin.. di lang lahat syempre.. lagi naman ika nga e "exemption to the rule"


i started the week alone. (just with God)

i may end it alone.. (still with HIM)

"i may" lang naman... what if may bigla akong makasama.. pero ok lang.. i would always be very glad to end and start the week with the Lord..

i always felt na since im an only child.. i was really destined to be alone.. in everything.. few.. as in very few of my friends would actually say that they will be there for me and really be there.. problem is, they're not here in manila.. some are even halfway across the globe...


...........



Salamat pala GIZMO sa pagbati...
at Ginoong Lapis.. salamat din ng madaming madami! haha.. parang gumagawa naman tayo ng pelikula sa iniisip mong pagtatagpo natin... :)

magiisip nga din ako ng magandang pagtatagpo...


saka kay Fjordz.. salamat din kasi yun isa sa posts mo.. may narealize ako na nakatulong din sa 'kin.. :)

21 and still counting

thank you kookoo!!!

i dont know what to say exactly but i want to say something..
it's official.. i'm a year older now..

Wiser than before?

I hope so...
this past year had been a lot for me.. when i say a lot it only meant a different kind of ride..

*(MAY-JUNE) i moved into a new place, my cousin's pad. She's younger, and different from any other kid i know.. she's younger than me and i find having her around a COMPLETE CHALLENGE. why? i am an only child.. io never had anyone to take care of... now i have her.. she grew up in UAE.. we've different cultures.. she's years younger than me.. i don't know why it was hard for me to actually deal with her sometimes.. but at the end of the day.. i find her amazing.. she may test my patience everyday but her company brings me countless insights about my self and my trsut in God's plans... i still struggle with her in terms of patience.. but everyday is a test from God right.. why worry..

----maybe this happened to ready myself to the coming months.. thesis.. and organizational work for THE Paragon..

i'm missing evryone... eric and renel!!! *nagkaroon ng earthquake bago ang launching.. we shook FEU's grounds.. hehe!!!

*(AUGUST) The Paragon was organized to bring out the writers' essence and creativity of FEU's insitute of arts and sciences students... yep.. from being a writer to being a director to being the assoc ed.. bago ang lahat.. editorial bopard.. we dont even have a budget.. but still.. patience.. and we made it.. thabk God.. first issue.. second issue.. whew.. now i think all i have to do is get them have a third issue even if im ni longer a student of feu... it's laways nice to share something through writing.. masaya eto!!!!

*JUNE--->MARCH --THESIS.. nuff said.. whew.. a test of evrything.. as in everything.. pati friendship.. almost... haha! again patience brought me through.. thank God!

*all year fun with friends...

*JANUARY- and counting!!!! ----BLOGSPOT adventure!! yehey! new friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fjordz!

ginoonglapis
at Homebody kuya robert!!!
saka si gizmo...

--APRIL-Graduation... ok na ok na.. tapos na ko sa 4 na taong pagaaral ng psychology..

TODAY: hmmm.. isip ako.. ano nga ba.. what's next.. still in His arms.. thank God.. Im still HIS... Im still walking Jesus.. though at times nabuuhat na nya ko.. still glad im still running this race for HIm.. 21 and still counting..

happy me!

salamat sa mga kaibigang mabbait.. uber love you guys!!

francis. ate joy. ate chie. ate mayette. karol. ajie. UBC!!!.

kookoo(saya ng maraming text galing sa YFC friends ni KOOKOO.. salamat sa yfc feu).

Mark mark! (sakto ang 11:58 pm na pagbati!!) belle.rico.

jake.neil.Renel!!!!! Ditzler!

Fjordz!(salamat kaibigang blogger).ma'am KAI!

ate juvs. czelene.

daine. aileen. kuya dan. maire.tyrus.daisy.ALan!Migs. Che

ate yang!!! Nicole.

sa lahat ng di ko nabati!!!! maramingmaramin salamat!!!