i learned and cried a lot...

yesterday, i cried bukets and buckets of water to sleep.

and i made a decision.. i'm resigning.. i never felt this sad before.. a different kind of sad..

my boss talked to me regarding my job performance... and it was a long talk.. which made me realize.. i want to leave.. im resigning...

i dont want to go home everyday feeling so exhausted i cant read my favorite book.. i dont get to have my devotions sometimes because i wake up late since im tired from yesterday. I am tired... i know this is not what He wants for me.

a few months back, i received feedbacks from my friends who already established in the corporate world that i should get a new job.. my parents told me so too...

and yes.. i know.. i should have listened and i acknowledge that.. im sorrry and i will heed to their advice next time...

they do know better sometimes..

plus.. really.. we should be careful on who we give our trust to...

i had this written in my multiply site a few days ago..:

"there was this request i made last night to someone that triggered a decision i ever thought i would make this early...
it's been four months already and i never knew i would end it this way... my high regard to some people is slowly diminishing. Each day pass by and i can no longer find a reason to stay. i hate this feeling..
the past few weeks had been so gruesome for me.. my stress manifests even in my sleep..
i have never felt this low before... i was berrated, talked to sacastically and bypassed. there were times where i feel unrespected.. not valued..
I think the lesson i learned about all of this is that i have to know when enough is enough..
and sometimes lessons learned are a bit too late... if i should have came into that realization before... i never should have felt like this with some people..
i was hoping things will get better..
maybe in some other time.. but not now..
and so last night... i cried...
that's when i knew.. i have to stop... and probably exert all my time and effort in other things.. not all things are forever ..."

I pour out myself in that post and i wanted to share it to someome in the office whom i consider a friend and trust.. i shared the post through a short letter with some words of encourage ment and all the yadiyahs...

and what happened next stubled my feelings in a halt.. sh eprinted out my personal email for her and showed it to my boss.. our boss...

i felt sad really bad.. i dont know how will i feel about her.. i regard as my best colleagues..

it sucks when those things happen to you..


it really does...


my heart sank with pain..

i cried so hard last night knowing i have to leave my work really soon... i know i have to leave... i do like what i do.. its just there are too many of it.. and the people... they make it harder...


i pray yesterday for HIS guidance and wisdom.. io prayed and prayed as i pour my tears out...

the sad part is..

i couldnt find anyone to pour my heart out too... my mom and dad is not here.. my cousin's a bit indifferent and i dont know if i can trust the pople in the office anymore... i do have some friends.. two of them made the effort to make em smile... thanks nicole and jadson...


i learned a lot lately...

though painfull,

i thank God for it.. i rejoice in the circumstances i get to see HIs love all the more..