i learned and cried a lot...

yesterday, i cried bukets and buckets of water to sleep.

and i made a decision.. i'm resigning.. i never felt this sad before.. a different kind of sad..

my boss talked to me regarding my job performance... and it was a long talk.. which made me realize.. i want to leave.. im resigning...

i dont want to go home everyday feeling so exhausted i cant read my favorite book.. i dont get to have my devotions sometimes because i wake up late since im tired from yesterday. I am tired... i know this is not what He wants for me.

a few months back, i received feedbacks from my friends who already established in the corporate world that i should get a new job.. my parents told me so too...

and yes.. i know.. i should have listened and i acknowledge that.. im sorrry and i will heed to their advice next time...

they do know better sometimes..

plus.. really.. we should be careful on who we give our trust to...

i had this written in my multiply site a few days ago..:

"there was this request i made last night to someone that triggered a decision i ever thought i would make this early...
it's been four months already and i never knew i would end it this way... my high regard to some people is slowly diminishing. Each day pass by and i can no longer find a reason to stay. i hate this feeling..
the past few weeks had been so gruesome for me.. my stress manifests even in my sleep..
i have never felt this low before... i was berrated, talked to sacastically and bypassed. there were times where i feel unrespected.. not valued..
I think the lesson i learned about all of this is that i have to know when enough is enough..
and sometimes lessons learned are a bit too late... if i should have came into that realization before... i never should have felt like this with some people..
i was hoping things will get better..
maybe in some other time.. but not now..
and so last night... i cried...
that's when i knew.. i have to stop... and probably exert all my time and effort in other things.. not all things are forever ..."

I pour out myself in that post and i wanted to share it to someome in the office whom i consider a friend and trust.. i shared the post through a short letter with some words of encourage ment and all the yadiyahs...

and what happened next stubled my feelings in a halt.. sh eprinted out my personal email for her and showed it to my boss.. our boss...

i felt sad really bad.. i dont know how will i feel about her.. i regard as my best colleagues..

it sucks when those things happen to you..


it really does...


my heart sank with pain..

i cried so hard last night knowing i have to leave my work really soon... i know i have to leave... i do like what i do.. its just there are too many of it.. and the people... they make it harder...


i pray yesterday for HIS guidance and wisdom.. io prayed and prayed as i pour my tears out...

the sad part is..

i couldnt find anyone to pour my heart out too... my mom and dad is not here.. my cousin's a bit indifferent and i dont know if i can trust the pople in the office anymore... i do have some friends.. two of them made the effort to make em smile... thanks nicole and jadson...


i learned a lot lately...

though painfull,

i thank God for it.. i rejoice in the circumstances i get to see HIs love all the more..

labor day!

dahil sa laki ng oras na naigugugol ko sa pagtratrabaho.. ang daming tanong ang naiisip ko.. hinanakit.. inis..may 168 na oras tayo sa isang linggo..

sa opisina... mahigit 5o hours ang ginugugol ko sa opisina sa looob ng isang linggo...

at mahirap magtrabaho pag ang kasama mo araw-araw.. sa mahigit walong oras ay di mo gusto o kasundo..ang bigat sa pakiramdam..

napaiyak ako sa opisina kahapon.. nakakainis..

ang pagtratrabaho... bakit tayo nagtratrabaho??

sagutin mo nga ako..

bakit tayo nagtratrabaho????

-maaring dahil kailngan natin ng pera...
-maaring dahil sinabi ng magulang natin na magtrabaho tayo
-pwede rin nais mo isagawa ang inaral mo ng 4 o 5 taon...
-sabi nila ang isip, pumupur0l at katawan, humihina pag di ginagamit kaya kailangan magtrabaho.. ok na nga ang isip at katawa.. kumikita pa...


PERO.. lahat ng sobra.. masama diba..

-pag maraming pera
...........nawawalan ng oras sa pamilya.. sarili.. at kung ano ano pa.. di mo rin ma-eenjoy pera mo.. wala nga adw peace of mind diba.. ewan ko.. di marami pera ko e.. naririnig ko lang sa may mga marami nun..

-dahil sa sabi nga lang ng magulang.. di NAMAN TAYO MASAYA

-SABI NILA MARAMI DAW UNDER EMPLOYED E..... di anman talga nagagamit ang pinag-aralan e... ako mismo sa HRD.. maraming naencounter na ganyan.. ang inaapplyang position mlayo sa sinabi kong job specs..

-ah oo.. gamit na gamit isip ko at katawan ko sa trabahoko.. isip ako ng isip.. bad for the health..


gaya ng sabi ko.. pag SOBRA.. saka lang nagiging masama...


e madalas din.. di naman napapansin ng tao kung sobra na o hindi pa e..

kahit na NAKAKAINIS minsan magtrabaho... NAKAKASUYA... o naman talagang nais mo sabihin ng OGAG yun kasamahan...

OK PA NAMAN AKO...


e pano... INIISIP KO... PARA NA ALNG TO KAY LORD... I WORK FOR HIM..NOT THEM..

buti nalang weekend..


sabi ng kasamahan ko.. kahit na magresign ang isang empleyado..wla nman mangayyari sa opisina e... kikita padin kumpanya..

totoo namn din..

gaya samin.. kung may gulo man sa admin gaya ng pagreresign at di pagkakaunawan.. may mga customers pa din akmi. din anamn nila alam yun nangyayari sa loob e... kaya may custom ers pa di akmi.. madami.. di nalulugi kumpanya.. yun mga nagtratrabaho lang.. lalo na pag di "properly compensated"..

bakit ganun.. parang ang empleyado ang lugi?
parang may amli sa konspto ng "LABOR" dito sa PILIPINAS...


inumpisahan ng mga kastilang yan ...

feeling tuloy ng ibang Pinoy.. ok magpaalila... @$#%^&^..


LABOR??


grrr...

feeling ko im bound to do something with the concept of "WORK RIGHTS... di pa alng full force ngaun... bakit??


may 1 ako pinanagnak e...

maraming salamat kookoo!!

matagal na ko na walang blog...

ngunit ngayon.. mukhang sisipigan na talga kong magsulat...

dahil ang blog ko ay may bagong design..


malaking pasasalamat kay KOOKOO!!!

malaking hello din kay:

kuya homebodyhubby
g.lapis
fjordz
gizmo

salamat muli KOOKOO!!!!

photo edit collection

prends palagi.. =)

hanggang tingin nalang...

ngiti sa sarili...

___________________________________

sabi kanina ng kaibigan ko...:

cheng: 241 ka diba?

cheng: dapat palaban ka

cheng: hehe

tama tama cheng.. tama ka dyan..

natuwa ako talga..

___________________________________

sabi ng boss ko.. madaming bagay talga kahit maliit nakakapagpasaya...

oo tama siya.. pero ngayon, di ko na alam kung yung bagay na yun ay talgang nakakapagpasaya..

_________________________________

sabi ni boss,

di ka ngumingiti ngayon..

masakait lang taga tiyan ko..

wag ka magalala, isang linggo ka lang sa operations department..

ok sige sabi mo.. matapos mo ko ipamigay sa kabilang department e di sige nalang...

sige nalang, gaya ng sinasabi ng lahat.. tiyaga daw kasi daw lahat dumadaan sa gaito..

natural ba sa pilipino ang pagiging matiisin? isa siguro sa dahilan kaya ang kupad ng usad ng pinoy minsan..

hay

trsut God nalang nga.. e di tapos usapan diba.. hay...

is getting there worth every step...?

source: http://www.theeveryman.com/index.php

i hope so...

all the waiting, the patience, the time given and the effort exerted..

i just really hope everything would be all worth it in the end..

a lot of people warned me of the path that i took..

"find another one, the one that pays you better..."

"finish your MA first..."
"try doing this.. and that..."

in the end, i ended taking the path enyways.. and so here i am.. guarding on my faith not to double cross me.. if my faith on what i've chosen wavers.. i dont know what to do.. i dont want to admit they might be right all along..

at this moment, i dont know anymore if i'm really happy or am i just convincing myself that im still having fun with what i do...

but i'd love to think i still am having fun with what i do. i still carry the responsibility given to me with pride and integrity... i guess that's enough to sustain me for now...

i always think there is something more behind what my eyes can see and that something is why God is there for me..

its a matter of trust...

'he caught me when i was falling down.. and i didnt see it!!!"


haha.. last saturday, we had short training/get together at the office called morning hub. we had a game/activity called "Willow in the Wind" , is a trust building activity.






that's not us.. too bad we dont have any pictures..

the one in the middle serves as the willow... the rest of the group surrounds the "willow" and serves as the wind... the willo is blindfolded whiile other teammates(wind) toss him around.. i know you get the picture.. so that's pretty much what the game entails.. it's suppose to establish TRUST among us..

at one point.. i played the "willow"..

i was blindfolded.. was tossed around.. i allowed myself to be tossed around.. i trusted my groupmates...

and at one point.. i really felt like i was falling.. i dont know if someone wil still catch me.. but one guy from the group did catch me.. and after that i removed my blindfold and everyone was staring at us.. more at him like they were glad he was there to catch me.. i must have been near the ground.. they kept on saying "buti nandyan siya.."

he did catch me and everyone saw it but me...

kinda like in life..

sometimes we're blindfolded of the true people who care for us or who are willing to catch us when we fall...

we concentrate so much on otehr people, other things.. "other everything.."

there's so much more than what we "dont have" at the moment..

and i guess we really just have to trust that someone will always catch us when we fall.. its just that they may not be the people we expect..

*************************************************************************************

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FJORDZ AHOY!!!

so fed up...

hindi ko lang lubos maiisp may mga taong ganoon... higit pa, mga kamag-anak na ganoon.

tatlo. tatlo lamang kami sa pamilya.. ako, at ang aking magulang. masaya ako sa kung anong meron sa aming tatlo.

ang ikinalulungkot ko ay ang "extended family".. mas matatanggap ko pa kung ang masasakit na salita ay manggagaling sa isang di kakilala... ngunit kung manggagaling sa kanila.. masakit para sa akin. ni minsan 'di ako nagreklamo sa kung ano ang meron ako sa buhay, o kung ano man ang estado namin... wala silang karapatan para diktahan kami kung saan kami titira o lulugar.

I believe i am only accountable to God and God alone. we'll stay kung saan namin gusto at kung saan kami nilagay ni God.. i owe my life to no one except with God.

i dont understand them... nasasaktan talga ko sa ginagawa nila.. sa nangyayari.. sa lahat.. naiinis ako kasi nangyayari ito.

parang gusto ko tumigil muna ang lahat...